


catch a dream, hold it tight 'til I awaken

by renjutori



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, F/M, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjutori/pseuds/renjutori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Goodbye, Nishiki,” she whispers, and it's the closest thing to <i>I love you</i> she can manage.</p><p>“Goodbye, Kimi,” he says softly.</p><p>And then he's gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	catch a dream, hold it tight 'til I awaken

**Author's Note:**

> there is an appalling lack of nishikimi on ao3 and I intend to fix that
> 
> I'm on tumblr as merrykirishimas so follow me if you want huehuehue
> 
> Edit: This fic has been translated into Russian by ross_marquise [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/3232862)!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Maybe, she thinks, they became so caught up in their emotions that they forgot they were living on borrowed time.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place roughly between chapters 128 and 143

It rains, the day that he leaves.

He's sitting at her kitchen table when she returns to her apartment, and for a moment she simply stands in the doorway, staring. 

His fingers dance nervously over the stack of newspapers she meticulously stacked there this morning, which means he's consumed more coffee than usual today, something he only does when he's angry or upset, or both (they're often the same thing, really, when it comes to him). 

He still hasn't spoken. She quietly shuts the door, stepping out of her boots before crossing the room to stand behind him. 

“What's wrong?” she asks, resting her hands on his shoulders. 

He sighs, turning his head to look at her, and she's not sure if that's alarming in or of itself because he tends to do it often. 

“Would you believe me if I said everything was fine?”

Kimi decides this is a conversation best had sitting down, and she casually takes a seat in the chair next to him. 

“If you're going to be difficult,” she tells him, “At least give me an idea of how bad it is.”

“On a scale of one to ten? Eleven.” He grins at her humorlessly, almost as bitter as the coffee he drinks. “Haven't you seen the news?”

“No,” she says, and it's the truth. Between studying for exams and managing her job, she hasn't had much time for anything. “Are we leaving?”

“I am,” he says, and she exhales sharply. “You're staying here.”

“Nishiki,” she starts. 

“Please don't argue,” he interjects hastily, and now she knows the situation must be very bad, because he never interrupts her. “I don't have much time to explain and this is important.”

He pauses, as if searching for the right words. “Anteiku… has been compromised. The doves are invading the 20th ward. I'm fleeing while I still can.”

Her jaw tightens, and her fingers clench around the table stiffly. She's always expected this to happen, for something to go wrong. In a relationship as treacherous as theirs, normalcy was never an option. Expecting something and experiencing it, though, are two different concepts. 

(Maybe, she thinks, they became so caught up in their emotions that they forgot they were living on borrowed time.)

She hates it. 

“You have to stay here,” he continues. “It's safer. Even if the doves connect us, they won't be able to prove anything, and I'd rather see you in custody than dead. Where I'm going... it's not safe for humans, probably not even for ghouls.”

She wants to argue with him, wants to ask him where he's going, and to please not go, to stay with her. She wants to scream and shout and cry at the unfairness of everything. 

But she doesn't. 

It would be selfish of her. 

(Maybe she's never been as selfish as she should have.)

“Just... be safe,” she says simply, not knowing how to express the churning turmoil inside her. “Alright?”

“Okay,” he breathes softly, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. 

Reaching out an arm, he carefully unwinds the wool scarf around her neck, wrapping it around his own instead. 

“That's my favorite one,” she says. “You'd better get it back to me in good shape.”

He smiles sadly. “Think of it as insurance, yeah?”

They stand together, and she walks him to the door. It's only a matter of time before the CCG locks down the area, and she knows lingering any more could be dangerous for him. 

They stare at each other for a moment, and then he leans in and kisses her. There's no fireworks, no romance in the gesture. It's sloppy and hard and desperate, with only a slight flavor of sweetness underneath. She puts all of her feelings, all of her intensity and longing into it, and when they finally break apart, she's crying silently. 

He gently presses his lips to each of her closed eyes, and then her forehead.

“Don't wait for me, alright?” he says, brushing her hair back from her tear-stained face. “Live your life. Go on.”

She hugs him tightly in response, and he wraps his arms around her, pulls her closer. When she releases him, he opens the door and turns to the hallway, though not without reluctance. 

He pauses in the threshold. “We'll find each other again. I promise.”

“Goodbye, Nishiki,” she whispers, and it's the closest thing to _I love you_ she can manage.

“Goodbye, Kimi,” he says softly. 

And then he's gone. 

His scent fades from her apartment within two weeks, but the promise, however, lingers.

**Author's Note:**

> I intend for this to have several chapters, since it's a drabble series, but updates will likely be sporadic because unfortunately, I don't have much time to write these days.


End file.
